The art of life.

"Life is an art, and you are the artist."

If there is one thing i have learned in my art class so far it's that i often treat life like i treat my work. I critize it, am never satisfied, and i always feel as if i should already have it figured out. I get frustrated with myself because i feel like i should already be that great artist. But another thing i have learned from my art class is that being that great artist isn't exactly the point, it's becoming that great artist that matters. It's the work you put in, the changes you make. It's simply doing all that you can do and being all you can be. It's about the journey. Another similarity i have found between life and art is that both leave you with the wonderful ability to change and start over. You can always go back and erase a mistake. Sure, the remanence of a line might still be there, but if you put in enough efort you are able to change something that was once ugly into something beautiful. I guess that has always been my favorite thing about art. I know that in my life and in my work i am always going to make mistakes. I am going to screw up and will probably have to start over quite a few times. But hopefully, if i work hard enough, one day i'll be able to create something beautiful.

Why cant life have an easy button?

"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." - E. B. White


I SUCK at self motivation. If there was nothing forcing me to wake up in the morning, nothing that i had to do, i would probably sit on my butt all day long. The sad thing about this is, i would probably enjoy it tremendously. It seems like everyday i have a million things i want to do, things i want to see, read, eat, experience, but i can never seem to get myself to actually do them. I guess you could say that im more of a self thinker then a self motivater. I will sit and think up an idea and then plan out every little detail, this part i enjoy, but then, after i have planned it all out and the thinking part ends and the doing part begins, that is where i have trouble. I have always hated this about myself, it frustrates me beyond belief! but have i fixed it? no, not so much. The most frustrating thing about this perdiciment i always seem to find myself in is that i really and honestly want to do something. I want to make a difference, i want to do something amazing, be something amazing, but i always seem to stand in my own way. I am my own roadblock. How do you find your way around a roadblock if you are the roadblock? how do you change your problem when your problem is that you cant seem to change? The answers to these questions i haven't figured out yet. Sometimes i wish i had an easy button. You know, from the staples commercials? how much easier would life be if you could just click a button and have everything magically work out? but i guess that's not how life works. Life is not an easy button, life is a "hey, this life thing kind of sucks. But if you try hard and make the right decisions it will suck a little less." button. So i guess that's what i'll do. I will try a little harder to be more proactive, be more self motivating. And hey, maybe if i acomplish that, i'll be able to make an easy button of my own.

People People People

"In each of us there is a little of all of us." - Georg C. Litchenberg


I am not a people person. If your fimiliar with me you know this. Unlike most people who go out of there way to meet people, i go out of my way to not meet people. I have often thought long and hard about why. Why am i not a people person? why does the thought of actually putting myself out there enough to form an actual relationship freak me out so much? and i have come to to realize that the answere is life, life is the reason. I have been through things in my life that have caused me to lose faith in people. Things that have caused me to doubt whether or not people are genuin, whether or not people actually have the ability to honesly and genuinley care and love you. Whenever i meet someone new who actually seems to like me i go through a survey of questions in my head. Why does this person like me? Why do they want to hang out with me? Is it out of pitty or do they actually like me? As im sure you would agree this isn't the healthiest of way's to be, but for the life of me i cant seem to stop doing it. I have also come to realize that i am one of those "all or nothing" type of people. I am the kind of girl who believes that you have to have everything in commen in order to have a realationship, you have to agree with everything about an organization in order to be a part of it, that's just the way i am. But if there is one thing i have learned this year it's that people are not as bad as life makes them out to be, and that finding one thing in commen is enough to build one of the strongest relationships if you are willing to give it a go. I have had the amazing oppurtunitie to become friends with some of the most incredible and loving people this year. And it is all because of this one thing we have in commen, our love for a silly soap opera. A year ago i would never have believed that this one thing could be the gateway to some of the great friends of my life, or that i, Rachel Budge, could let so many people in without going over my mental survey or looking for ulterior motives. But i have, and i am so greatful for it! Although my heart is still not completly warmed up and i still have doubts when it comes to people, i think it is a step in the right direction. These people have managed to put back together some of the few pieces of my heart other people in my life broke. And i must tell you, it feels pretty dang good :)

Sometimes you just have to move.

"So...Be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'shae, Your off to great places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So get on your way!." - Dr. Suess


I have always really hated the phrase "just do it." I guess, to be fair, i dont hate the phrase as much as i hate the way people say it. Whenever you hear someone say "just do it" it is usually in a "what's your problem? why is this so hard for you?" type of tone. Now i understand that this is not always the case but i feel like it is a large percent of the time. I have come across very few situation in life that are easy enough to "just do it." thing's are not that simple. Maybe it is just me, maybe i make things too complicated or maybe i just think to much, whatever the reason i can never seem to just do something. Take College for example, it has taken me almost a year to decide that it was something i wanted to do, and even now i haven't yet decided what it is in College i want to pursue. Some people might see this as irrisponsible "you should have this figured out" might be their retort, but i dont, i dont have it figured out. Now if you know me well you know that i am not one to go into something blind. I am the kind of person who wants to know EXACTLY what im getting myself into. Where to begin, how to get there, where to end...these are all things i think to death before i make any sort of decision. One of the hardest things for me when i was signing up for school was the fact that i dont know yet what im majoring in. Sure, i have an idea and i know part of it, but i haven't got the whole thing mapped out it my head yet. For the first time in my life im just doing something, and to be completely honest it scars the heck out of me. First, because it has completly taken me out of my "everything has to be planed" comfort zone, and second, because it has forced me to live the very phrase i hate, which has been a stuggle unto its self. But i have also come to a second conclusion. That as much as i might dislike the phrase "just do it" it, in some cases, might be the right step to take. Sometimes we just have to put on our life jacket and jump, because if we dont we might end up standing in the same place forever. So i have made a decision. For the next little while of my life i am just going to put one foot in front of the other and just do it. That way, even if i go in the wrong direction for a while and have to make a u turn, at least i will be going somewhere.